Saturday, May 5, 2012

I don't know why, but I go back and forth over whether my work will be good enough to show. Maybe this is what every artist feels or maybe it is me being unbalanced.

I have always been this way. When I was still a student in art school, I burnt pretty much an entire years work thinking it sucked and smashed the ceramic sculptures I had to hand. Lucky for me, half the sculptures were in storage at the school. I had not documented the paintings and wish to this day that I had. I don't know if it is nostalgia, but I think back to that work and think it was the best I have ever done. Too bad, too sad as my kids say.

Next month is NadaDada and I am nowhere near finished. Actually, not one single piece is finished. Why am I so lame at deadlines? I wonder if it is possible to fill 2 rooms of a gallery with just a month to go. I have been thinking of different ways to fill the room, or to paint abstracts that could be knocked out fast... My integrity is better than that I hope, but I'm not shutting the door on anything that would help ;-)

Yesterday, I found that cleaning the studio was far more satisfying than working on my paintings. It is amazing how even the most boring chore is providing a welcome distraction. Today the sun was out and the pond was filling up slowly. How can I face work with such beauty around me? Instead of painting, I spent time fixing the waterfall in the garden and trying to figure out if we could build a duck house. Nada art for Nada Art!

I have been rotating about 15 paintings. I'm waiting until the oil paint is too wet to work, then moving to the next painting. This makes me feel like I am not getting anywhere, but maybe it will all come together soon. I just don't know if what I have is worth the wait.

So anyway, photos from this week are thin on the ground. There is not much that I want to share.

However, here is the view with the pond slowly filling :-)

Below is the studio looking nice and clean after my tidy up, I am going to have to post the clean studio pictures on Milliande while it looks this good:

Maybe tomorrow will be back in front of the canvas.


  1. I am seeing a LOT of beautiful work here!! Lots of beautiful imagery, colors… and even your signature attribute… symbolism! Maybe what you are having trouble with is a way to bring them all together, A way to unite them under one common theme. Take a look at all your paintings see what they all share in common. Whether it be TIME or STEAM PUNK… “A moment Lost in Time”…

    I just read your most recent BLOG and thought it was Brilliant!
    Real Insight into the mind of a Real Artist !!! I loved it !

    You asked whether the thought that your work might not actually be good enough to show was a personal problem… or something every artist goes thru. I’m here to tell you… you are NOT unique in that feeling!! Every artist struggles with those thoughts.
    The only difference between you and them is -
    YOU are the only person present thru-out the entire process of any given painting.
    YOU see the inconsistencies, the cover-ups, your thoughts that race thru your mind when creating it… etc.
    The viewer on the other hand sees one thing -
    The final result. And from my own experiences, when I see your paintings… they hit me like a ton of bricks, BAM !!! I see the painting as a whole and not as you might by seeing each individual portion of it as you are working on it.

    I know this is not making a lot of sense, but the bottom line is… You are not unbalanced for having the thoughts of your art not being good enough. The unbalanced part is in how you deal with those thoughts and your reaction to them.
    I am betting you were right in thinking the work you had destroyed was some of your best work of your Life!
    In the future when you think your work is not suitable to show at the time… put it aside in storage or what have you… and forget about it. When you take a look at it again months or years later, you might just have a different opinion of it then!

  2. Thank you for your insightful words and encouragement!